More Than Just a Dinner: A Thanksgiving Toolkit
Thanksgiving is upon us.
Declared a national holiday in Canada in 1879 and proclaimed to be celebrated the second Monday in October on January 31, 1957, Thanksgiving began as a celebration of the harvest. Now it is better known as the time of year that we come together with family and friends to enjoy a meal and give thanks for all that we have and all that we have been given. I, for one, am very thankful for the family I have, the friends in my life, and the opportunity to make a living doing something I enjoy. But as an employment lawyer I can’t help but notice the similarities between the traditional Thanksgiving dinner and the workplace.[i]
With invitations to such a special event as Thanksgiving dinner out, there are a few things the host & guest can each do, and should do, to keep the celebration of this holiday as drama-free as possible, just as an employer should similarly do in the workplace.
The Invitation/Agreement
If you are hosting a Thanksgiving dinner the last thing you want is a lot of hassle on the day of the big meal. It starts with deciding who you should and want to invite, taking into consideration the dynamics amongst your family and friends and who is going to make the best fit for a fun and festive dinner. Once you have made that decision, make sure that as the host you share with your guests what is expected and how dinner at your house will proceed this year. What time are guests expected to arrive, and when will dinner start? Are guests expected to come early for pre-dinner drinks or the “required” family walk in the park? Are guests being asked to bring anything with them, such as a bottle of wine or a salad? All of this is important information and will ensure that a less-anxious guest arrives at your door on Monday evening.
The same is true of inviting someone to join your company. A good working relationship will begin with a clear communication of expectations in the form of a written employment agreement. The employment agreement spells out the employee’s start date, job title, reporting relationship, work hours and job description. If the employee is expected to have skills or certifications for the role, this will be clearly set out as well. Likewise, a written Employee/Policy Manual can provide useful information about rights, entitlements and expectations regarding the employee’s attendance at work and their conduct when representing the employer. Spelling out these expectations at the beginning of the relationship puts both the employer and the employee on the same page and can, and should, answer many questions before they are asked.
Be Open About Accommodations
As a guest, an invitation to dinner doesn’t simply mean you show up at the right address at the right time. After RSVPing to the invitation, it is polite and reasonable to let your host know in advance of any dietary restrictions, or anything else that might throw the host for a loop. Are you a vegetarian or gluten-free? Are you allergic to green beans? As a guest you should let your host know about these things ahead of time and be reasonable in the circumstances. For example, it is not reasonable to demand a particular accommodation by your host and all other guests based solely on your taste preferences when other alternatives are, or may be, available. Instead, you can speak with your host and work together to come up with a solution. For example, you could offer to bring a different side-dish that you are able to eat, and even share with others.
But also remember, your host is responsible for everyone’s meal and ensuring they share in the enjoyment of the evening. For this reason, don’t bring something that is a lot of extra work for the host, or puts undue stress on your hostess. Your host wants to make you feel comfortable and ensure you enjoy the Thanksgiving dinner with everyone else. But you bringing the ingredients to “fix” your side dish at your host’s house, and needing one of their dishes and their oven to cook that side dish, is not reasonable when it means re-timing the turkey in the oven, looking for the dish you need while the carrots boil over on the stove, and re-organizing the kitchen so you can purée your squash. Again, work with your host, much like you are required to work with your employer and participate in the accommodation process. An employer has no legal duty to accommodate an injury, disability or individual need that it is not aware of and could not have reasonably known to exist. For this reason, it is important that employees communicate with their employers.
When an employer is aware that accommodation is required, employers are legally obliged to take reasonable steps to accommodate an employee’s individual needs to the point of undue hardship. This means that the employer is responsible for balancing an individual employee’s needs with the needs of the business and operations and make changes and accommodations where necessary and reasonable. But this legal obligation does have its limits. Employers are not, for example, required to create a new job position for you, or agree to your preferred form of accommodation (such as scheduling you to work Monday through Thursday when your medical note restricts you to working four days per week and you want every weekend off) when other reasonable forms of accommodation are available (like scheduling you to work Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday because business needs require coverage on those days). Likewise, an employer may be excused from their duty to accommodate an employee who refuses to participate in the accommodation process or refuses reasonable accommodation which has been offered. Instead, accommodation is a joint process that requires communication and participation by both the employer and employee to come to a resolution.
Timeliness and Other Etiquette
So, with all the pre-planning done, you are ready to head over to your host’s house and strap on the old feed bag. But be aware of the clock. Nobody likes a late comer; especially someone who arrives late to a special dinner that has been thought out, planned, timed so everything is served hot, and is shared with your friends and family. With a meal on the table and guests seated, there really is no such thing as being fashionably late. If you are running late or are unable to come because you are sick, let your host know just as you would let your employer know. Your work schedule takes into account business and operational needs. Sometimes it is based on meetings scheduled with third parties or to ensure appropriate coverage of vacations and leaves by other employees. In any event, it is respectful and reasonable that you will attend work as and when required and will notify your employer as soon as possible if you are unable to do so.
Seated at the dinner table with you will be all the different people invited by your host. There’s the host’s brother with whom you play basketball in a league every Wednesday night, the grandmother you only see at family gatherings and weddings, the hostess’ college roommate visiting from the United States, and your host’s aunt and her new girlfriend whom she met on vacation in Cuba. Be open to talk to each one of your fellow guests regardless of whether you have known them for years or only met them for the first time at this dinner. This includes the toddler seated next to you in the highchair, and grandma who only seems interested in telling stories about how much better things were when she hosted the dinner and the turkey was always moist. With so many different people around the table each will raise different topics of conversation and have different opinions or beliefs on those topics than you do. You don’t need to chat with each person for a long time or agree with everything said during the meal. Instead, be respectful to everyone at the table and recognize that everyone has the right to their own voice. Engaging in conversation is polite and including everyone in the discussion makes each guest feel welcome and valued. That said, avoid comments and discussion that may be controversial or offensive to other guests. After all, the purpose of Thanksgiving is to come together and include everyone in the enjoyment of the meal.
In this case, the similarity with the workplace is no doubt already obvious to you. Workplaces are made up of individuals from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, races, gender and gender identifications. Each one is entitled to an equal opportunity in the workplace and to work in an environment free from discrimination and harassment. A respectful workplace requires the cooperation of each and every employee and an understanding of what type of conduct is, and is not, appropriate. This goes beyond “knowing your audience” and speaks more to integrity and professionalism to show respect for each person, regardless of their role and responsibilities.
Post-Dessert/Pre-Termination
When dinner is finally at an end and the dessert plates have been cleared, the host should end the dinner graciously. As the host, you may choose to offer your guests coffee or tea after dinner, and let guests leave when they wish (sometimes staying until the wee hours of the next morning). But some hosts may ask their guests to depart at a particular hour so they can clean up and get their kids ready for school the next day. Of course, no host wants to appear rude and knowing when it’s the right time for your guests to leave can sometimes be a hard decision. Whatever the host decides, it is recommended to communicate this to your guests in advance so there is no unnecessary drama or hurt feelings when people leave at the end of the meal.
A clearly written and termination clause included in an employment agreement offers the same protection. There is no reason to wait for something to go wrong to address when and how the employment relationship may come to an end. Whether it’s the employee’s choice to end the relationship (retirement or resignation), or the employer’s, the main goal of the employer is to protect the company from liability while treating the employee fairly and with respect and dignity. A written termination clause, drafted with assistance from legal counsel, represents an agreement between the parties about what will happen when the employment relationship comes to an end and what the employee will be entitled to from the employer. In particular, the clause will speak to whether the employee receives only their statutory minimum entitlements or something extra for the period post-termination, whether that something extra is a bonus payment or additional severance pay. Regardless of the agreement reached, a valid, clear and written termination clause can minimize or eliminate misunderstandings regarding termination rights and minimize the risk of a wrongful dismissal claim, saving the employer thousands in legal fees.
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Whatever traditions or plans you may have in store this Thanksgiving, it is likely that your family and friends will gather together to share in the spirit of gratitude that comes with the season. But despite the best of intentions, any family get together can sometimes result in fights, drama and/or uncomfortable moments. Be smart, plan well, and make the right decisions for your holiday. Using the tips set out above can help to keep your Thanksgiving dinner – and your workplace – drama-free. And of course, never be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it. Just like the lawyers at Piccolo Heath LLP can help you with all employment matters – from recruitment to termination and everything in between – sometimes the best decision may be not to cook and to order a fully cooked or catered meal from a local restaurant or grocery store. The important thing is being kind, respectful and thankful to your host, and as host, being thankful to your guests, for all they did to make the meal and enjoyable one.
On behalf of all of us at Piccolo Heath LLP, I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.
